Reparations - Can the Indian men do it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7CW7S0zxv4

What a brilliant speech by Shashi Tharoor. Taking a leaf out of his speech, here is one on behalf of women who have been subjected to exploitation by their own men.

Mr.Tharoor, Indian women do not feel like Henry the VIII's wife because we keep doing the dowry business differently each time. If it is the gold one season, it is the car the next, until diamonds are called in to trend the next! While the economic condition of the brides' parents decreased, any lifeless numbers in the name of statistics, would not help in bringing the dead back to life. And this simply because men assumed that their potential fathers-in-law were employed to benefit their economic cause. The rise in financial status of the men has been largely funded by parents of brides.

Most girls in independent India are seeing their parents weave, beautiful homes, painstakingly, sacrificing even their basic needs, only to see all of it drained away in the name of marriage. The word loot originally belonged to India and the habit mastered by their men in the holy name of weddings. After paying hefty sums as dowry, all that the brides get to enjoy is the role of unpaid servants, with further demands that only seem to escalate with years. In fact, they literally pay for their own oppression!

Half of today's wealthy Indian population owe their status to this dowry economy. Dowry, on paper, has been abolished, but not a single rupee has been paid as compensation - neither as reparations for those who lost their lives nor to those who lost a good share of their earnings. Families educated the boys, fed them better, used the daughters to serve their sons, diverted family resources to give expensive education to the boys, for, the thus gotten education serves in getting higher dowries!

Every marital relationship begins in darkness, thereafter there is no sunshine for the brides. Since it is Indian men who are at the helm of the dowry affairs, no numbers would reveal the brutality of the ground reality!

A lot has been said to justify the acceptance of the dowry, including the exhibition of parental love for their daughter, though the same was achieved even without doling out wealth in the name of dowry. Dowry was given to serve the man's interests rather than the girl's. The men made all the profits, controlled the bride's life after marriage and benefited hugely through this established institution.

The feeble voice of the Indian government fails to reach the noisy marketplace where deals are struck based on the purchasing power of the bride's parents. But, unfortunately, the rule of this game has been weird. The purchaser is not allowed to take home what he had purchased. Instead, the deal only ensures that he gives away all forms of wealth, including his hard earned money and the daughter that he had so lovingly brought up.

Maybe today's young men have changed and are not responsible for the actions of the earlier generations, but is it not in keeping with the same principles of reparations for the wrongs that have been done that they pay a token amount? Here again, there is a moral debt that needs to be paid, much like the one that Mr.Tharoor is demanding from the Britishers.

Can the women of India demand reparations from their men? But surely Mr.Tharoor, this will open up a nasty Pandora's box!

Let me say with even greater respect, that democracy and the rule of law that has been in existence on Indian soil have done no better under the rule of Indians! The Indian democracy is only functioning because it is based on women slavery. The fact is, very simply, sir, that we are not talking about reparations as a tool to empower the women, but for the men to atone for the wrongdoings. The women understand that it is impossible to put a value by way of a monetary sum to the horrors that the women have suffered. Certainly, no amount of money can expiate the loss of a loved one as we all know without needing to be pointed out!

It is most definitely the principle that matters. While setting an innocent girl on fire, the husband could sustain injuries, but by no means can it counted as collateral damage. The truth is that we are not arguing that a huge sum of money be paid. The proposition before this great (?) nation is the principle of owing reparations, not the fine points of how much is to be paid. The question, here too, is, 'Is there a debt?' Do the men of India owe reparations? As far as the women are concerned, the ability to acknowledge the wrong that has been done, to simply say 'sorry', will go a longer way than establishing few NGO's and care homes in the form of aid. Here again, reparations, given by way of a token sum given by the groom's father to the bride's parents for the next 70 years, for the last 70 years of dowry practised in independent India, should make the women happy.

The mind that matters

It is said that most of what we see is like the ‘tip of the iceberg’. In some ways our thoughts and actions are related in a very similar manner.

I am reminded of the story of the churning of the ‘Samundar’ or the ocean by the Devas and Asuras.

Devas (goodness embodiment) and asuras (evil embodiment) churned the ocean of milk to obtain the nectar of immortality.

This churning, as it turned out, was an eventful one. The mount Mandara was used for the churning as a churning rod. The snake Vasuki, who was the king of serpents served as the churning rope. The Asuras wanted to take hold of Vasuki’s head and the Devas, most willingly acceded to this demand.

The snake emitted poisonous fumes during each churn. Devas and Asuras relentlessly churned on. The mount Mandara started sinking and Lord Vishnu took his Koorma avatar (turtle) and held the mountain on his back.

As Devas and Asuras continued, ‘halahala visha’, a deadly poison was coughed up by the king of serpents.

It was now the turn of Lord Shiva, who promptly appeared on the scene and swallowed the poison. Goddess Parvati, in a bid to save her husband, pressed against Lord Shiva’s throat before the poison could enter his body.

The poison stopped at the God’s throat, making his neck blue (Shiva was thereafter known as ‘Neelakanta’ or ‘blue throat’).

The churning produced, among other wonders, the moon or Chandra, a divine flower called parijat and the Amrut or the nectar of immortality.

Every time I read this story I wonder, how metaphorically, it denotes the churning of the body by the mind.

The body, as the churning rod, is churned by the mind that acts as the churning rope. The churning produces many desired and some undesired by-products.

The ‘man’ or the mind and the ‘tan’ or the body forms the ‘Mantan’ or the churning!

The thoughts that emerge in our mind translate into actions performed by the body. If we are aware of the thoughts and in a conscious state acknowledge these thoughts, we will be able to regulate the mind and body to produce desirable action.

While, like the tip of the iceberg, only the action is visible what directs this action is the invisible mind!

I read a very different explanation to the sholka,

‘Vakratunda Mahakaya Surya Koti Sama Prabha!
 Nirvighnam Kurume DevaSarva Kaaryeshu Sarvada!’

Through the curved forehead, go into your body. This will give you the power equivalent to one crore sun (immense power). Before you begin anything do this, so that you face no obstacles.

This explanation, perhaps means that before you begin any job, take stock of your resources - both the physical and the meta-physical resources. By doing this, you will understand if you are equipped to carry out the given task. The process of taking stock can be termed as the ‘churning’.

Our actions are a mere reflection of our thoughts, churned by the mind!

Formless words...

The war of words has taken a centre stage in the scheme of global happenings as much as it wreaks havoc within families.

Humanity needs to take a pause and analyse intentions more than it analyses words. This, in my opinion is an urgent need.

When we have crossed this barrier as far as words are concerned, we have the second barrier to cross. Often we find people promising to deliver great things, but they go only as far as their intentions take them.

Delivering small deeds in action makes us more trust worthy than promising to deliver greater things and failing. Such failure results in both physical and mental fatigue. Slowly we become abusive and even ordinary words uttered by others hurt us. 

Let not the formless words uttered by others be the basis on which we form our opinion about the speaker. Dive deeper into their intentions, better still, wait for their actions to speak about their character!

Women's day

Today being women’s day, I recall the drama written in Tamil by Sundaram Pillai.

The drama is popular by the name ‘Manonmaniyam’. The author, through the characters in the story has given the readers a good insight into the various aspects of human life.

In this drama he has hailed the family system and has called it a university that groomed men and brought maturity in their thinking.

“A family is a classroom that teaches us to raise above our selfish interests”, he has opined.

“It expands our vistas and gives our mind the power to think and act for the good of others around us. It teaches us patience and tolerance”, he has further elaborated.

He has described the role of women in society and when translated it reads thus:

If you compare life to a sea, a man’s mind is like a boat. It is but the nature of a boat to stray in the sea, guided by the ever changing direction of the wind.

The ‘boat’, therefore, has to be anchored to the shore of justice. It is the position offered by society to its women which acts as this anchor. Through his drama he further suggested that a society that has respect for women has already chartered a programme for its development.

To uphold the right of women, in his view was the first step that any cultured society would take.   

When we look at the bigger picture of an overall development of society, women empowerment has to be the primary focus. Every society has to set its goal and work towards it, as does an organisation.

Inclusion of women in decision making has become mandatory.Discussions about women’s education and empowerment have been occupying the centre stage. Women, traditionally have been known to be better than men when it comes to planning and multi-tasking. As with every family society will also benefit from the meticulous planning that women are adept at.

Inclusion of women in major areas of planning, therefore has become mandatory. Ensuring that women take active part both in a family’s decision making and a society’s development plan is a sure shot way ahead.

Women have a huge responsibility towards their families. This had been viewed as a major stumbling block when it came to the question of their career. Their healthcare and safety are two more issues that the modern world has been struggling to cater to.

World over an awareness has to be created about the role played by women in empowering men and children. But this support from a woman to the household should not be taken for granted. Creating a conducive environment for women has to be taken up as a priority with special focus on their healthcare, security, education and career. Before it is too late, we have to recognize the contribution made by women and not lose its relevance due to sheer negligence.

It is high time that nations of the world unite in empowering the women of the world, for their own well-being.

Take care of your women and they will take care of you. To all the women reading this, a very happy women’s day.

The shedding of the cocoon

A trap is only a chrysalis and not a bond,
It refines you, it cleanses you and makes you strong!
Permanent guarantees are given to temporary things,
Don't focus too much on them lest you may lose your wings.

The cocoon that an insect makes, it tears.
Only to show the world what it gained in there!
A butterfly now has strength to fly and colours she flaunts,
She encased herself into a bond to be freed with all her wants!

So, know you all, a low phase is a cocoon,
And you will gain the strength you need very soon.
Just hang in there and absorb whatever you have to,
When you come out you will be beautiful and powerful too!

There may be times that will make you feel sad;
Just focus on what you have to do and don't feel bad.
Give up on your ego and work towards your cherished goal,
Before long the world will see the beauty within your soul!

Author’s note:

A worm gets trapped into a chrysalis only to gain a different life from the layers enclosing it.

As a worm, it wanders aimlessly, eating the leaves around until, one day, it decides to become an adult. When this decision is made, it moves away from its known environment, its comfort zone, and selects a secluded, safe spot. In this chosen spot, it sheds its skin and transforms into a chrysalis and hangs upside down for almost two long weeks from a cremaster.

Upon becoming an adult, this little worm of no real significance that wandered the face of the earth, ecloses and turns into a beautiful butterfly. It leaves its comfort zone for the second time, flaps the colourful wings that the two weeks of ‘penance’ has gifted it and soars high.

 

The worm transforms into a chrysalis and hangs upside down...

The cocoon shed, this wonderful thing rises from the status of a crawling worm to a beautiful butterfly.

Ego, like the chrysalis, shelters us, nurtures us. The time we spend with our ego makes us beautiful and colourful.

But it is only at that moment that we shed the ego, the world sees our colourful wings take the flight!