The girls' swirls

SHE was born. SHE stands for She when a girl child is born, transforming into a He after marriage and becoming wE upon the birth of a child. Confused? Then surely you must be a boy or a bigger boy trying to make sense out of this. My sincere suggestion - Don't! Does this ring a bell? Hail comrade! Curious to know more? Wait until you grow up, girl!

SHE in her first phase of life is the daughter - carefree, loving and adorable. She helps her parents around in the odd jobs, fights with her siblings, does what she has to and begins growing roots. As she grows her parents begin to worry more. Their expectation from her begins to increase. The modern-day dialogues have morphed themselves, rather unsuccessfully, to camouflage the regressive mindset.

SHE is told to learn how to cook, followed by a ‘I am not saying this so you may cook and feed your husband and in-laws. I am saying this so you don’t starve!’ – oh, yeah?

SHE does understand the intent behind what she is told, the words fail their master when not backed by the same intent. She may protest, she may resist, but learn she does. She is blessed with a growth mindset, that’s talking on behalf of the majority.

SHE chooses to get married in some cases, while in some others, the choice is not hers. A beautiful, surreal transformation brings out the  He in her. How else does one explain this? It takes lesser than a microsecond for a girl to accept a stranger, maybe in the modern world, a family that she did not grow up in as hers! You don’t believe me? You sure are a boy or a bigger version of that species! It takes you a lifetime to accept the family that you were born in, as yours.

SHE lays in wait to undergo the second transformation to wE. If it does not happen naturally, she does everything within her might to make it happen. And when it does happen, SHe is no longer the She or the He that she was. She becomes the wE giving birth to the SHE. Call it biology, call it psychology. Call it nature, call it life. Her possibilities as a wE always tend to infinity!

SHE swirls, around her many roles, some as She, some as He and the remaining as wE.  SHE swirls – a girl’s swirls to womanhood!

To build or to break- that is the question

The elaborate ceremony around the marriage finally concluded. The crowd ebbed away slowly.

The newlywed strangers were left to themselves. He approached her. The excitement of being with his new-found love was, somehow missing. She sensed his discomfort and asked him what the matter was. ‘Perhaps he is not well’, she thought.

“I was not interested in getting married. It was, kind of, forced on me,” he said.

“Why didn’t you tell this before the marriage?” she fumed/

An awkward silence left their minds equally noisy.

He knew he had a mammoth battle to wage. She walked towards the kitchen, washing the utensils of the morning with her tears.

She resumed office the next day, much to the surprise of her new family. For many years thereafter, she fought a long battle. Her home was her office and her colleagues were her family. He did not seem to bother as she was spending for the family. His lack of connecting, though, did not augur well in improving the situation.

Though she sensed his struggle towards building and maintaining relationships, she could not help him much. He refused to make her feel wanted in ‘his’ house. He came across as a lazy and selfish man. Though he had been employed for close to 8 years prior to marriage, he had not saved a penny.

His tantrums made her patient and resilient. One day he came home distraught. “I do not want to work anymore,” he declared. He wanted her to give money to start his own business.

“Where will I go for the money?” she asked him. For the first time, he realized the depth of her words.

“Can you help me find a better job? I feel useless,” he said.

She had applied for a job and the consultant had asked her to send her CV. But she was pregnant and a change of job at this point would not go in her favour. So, she decided to send his resume instead.

She told him, in the earnest hope of appealing to his good senses (maybe, it was time to check if he had any!), that he had to participate in the family’s financial commitment. He agreed.

The next fortnight was spent in preparing him for the interview. Mock sessions, general mentoring and general knowledge quiz became the order of the day.

The interview proved to be a cakewalk as also the first few months at the new job. She celebrated the new arrival and the new job with equal enthusiasm.

The Ultimate Giver

After a week in bed, my son got to his feet after the dengue fever. He had some notes to be photocopied and both of us decided to take a short stroll.

Once the job on hand was done, we began our walk back and as always my son’s foodie feet started slowing at the sight of a food stall. I let him take a look. I just wanted him to get back to normalcy.

Though in his early teens now, I feel emotionally drained when he falls sick.  He wanted to eat something hot and I stopped near the corn vendor. The lemon and chili powder that the street side vendor rubbed over the corn made our tongues water liberally.

I asked my son to head back home, while I stood there patiently waiting in queue, behind the others who had placed their orders before me. When the guy ahead of me had to pay, he realized that he ran short of Rs.5/-. The corn vendor told him to give it the next time he bought corn. I was awestruck at the generosity of this road side vendor.

Instantly, I decided to pay an additional Rs.5/- along with my share. He accepted it gracefully and I proceeded. As I neared the next stall that sold flowers and greens, I realized that I needed coriander and curry leaves. I asked the vendor to give me a bunch of each.

I opened the purse to shell out the money. As I fumbled, I realized that I was running short of Rs.5/- !

“Bring it along tomorrow,” I heard the generous vendor say before he proceeded to serve his next customer.

Why a spade is no longer a spade!

I am a person who, without hesitation called a spade a spade. But, not anymore!

I do not say this because I am disillusioned with life, or have learnt lessons that have changed my outlook in life (Life had dealt me many blows, but I continue to be the person that I was and have not been able to learn the lessons).

Today a spade no longer refers to a spade and the lingo of the current generation is changing so fast that a spade could mean something totally different from what it used to.

The other day, my teenage daughter told me to mind my business as bluntly as she could. 

"Dude, if I knew the right way to do it, I would have done it that way. But that does not mean I want you to teach me what to do!"

It was long after she had completed that I realised, to my shock, that I was still at the way she had addressed me. My mind refused to move ahead!

I wanted to know who the 'dude' was. It took me a while to understand that  I was the 'dude' that she was referring to!

I politely told her that she had to address me as 'Ma' or 'Amma'. Just then, my son walked into the room, saying, "Dude, lol. imagine having to call you 'amma' every time I had to speak to you! I would... forget it, whatever!"

Now, you know why I can no longer call a spade a spade, 'cos, dude, lol, a spade is no longer a spade!

The lesson that the black board taught! Part - V

Suraj tried his best to calm the ladies down. His first dilemma as a married man began. He wanted to support his wife, but was unsure of what he had to do. As silently as he had entered the place he slipped out.

His father-in-law called him and told him that it was best to leave it to the ladies to sort out their differences.

His in-laws spent two weeks with them before taking their leave. The two weeks were filled with sermons and lectures and lesson in self-discipline. Suraj had arranged for a surprise trip to a holiday destination nearby. His parents-in-law and his father behaved like kids on a school trip!

Shruti was amazed to see her parents let their guard off and enjoy their life!

There was again some silence and calm after their departure. Life revolved around work and home. Shruti did well at office and that motivated Suraj to do well too. 

Shruti’s discipline and strict routine made it easier for Suraj to focus better on his work and Suraj’s ease at creating lighter moments made life happier for Shruti.

They complimented each other well and their post-marriage adjustment, presumably was made easier due to the presence of people around.

Their private moments were well deserved, but far and few in-between!

A month or two later Suraj’s brother and his family were due to arrive on a vacation. Shruti used her free time to plan their visit and had even applied for a break from work for two days.

Their arrival descended upon the household like a storm! They landed with more luggage than the house could possibly hold. Suraj’s sister-in-law had brought gifts for everyone in the household. She had, especially brought a dozen outfits for Shruti.

Shruti was embarrassed to the core! 

She was not fond of clothes and had just five outfits for office and a pair of jeans and two T-shirts. She slowly began,

“Frankly, with more clothes around, I begin to get confused and that is the only complication I cannot handle in life!” she concluded.

The entire gathering started at her in utter disbelief!

“What, you don’t like new outfits!” asked their eight year old daughter.

“No, I am just over-whelmed that I do not know how to react!” she managed.

With Suraj’s help Shruti picked the outfits that best suited her. His sister-in-law had to find those, among other relatives that would best fit into the remaining outfits!

Once done, Shruti and Suraj went down for a walk with the little girl from the fourth generation giving company.

“Aunty, is it difficult to adjust in a new house with unknown people?” she wanted to know.

“Not if you take each day as a new day and gear up to the new situation that you encounter!” Shruti replied.

“Oh, then it must be easy for my teachers. Each day they come to class, erase the black board and start with the new date! Is it something like that?” asked the little girl.

Shruti smiled.

The walk back to the house was a long one.

“We spend twelve years watching the teachers erase the old lessons and begin with new lessons. The lessons of life are not those that are written on the board, but this ritual of erasing the old memories to give way for the new and therefore a fresher one!” said Shruti to Suraj who nodded his head.

The perspectives of the four generations made Shruti wiser and more tolerant. She found it easier to understand varied perspectives and felt that marriage had opened her mind towards life in general and people in particular.

Clean your mind each day, so that you may learn new lessons that comes your way!

Adjustment reversal...Part - IV

For a couple of months Shruti did not miss anything, but soon she was missing the fun of being surrounded by people.

Suraj grew restless too and decided to invite Shruti’s parents. Shruti’s parents obliged too.

Suraj waited in anticipation and on the day of their arrival Suraj had taken a day off from work to spend the day with his in-laws.

The grand day arrived and Shruti’s parents made their entry into the house.

After refreshing themselves, they asked Suraj when they had to ‘assemble’ for food. Suraj was taken aback and turned towards Shruti. Shruti suppressed her smile and translated her parents’ question to Suraj.

“Whenever you folks feel hungry you can eat!” Suraj replied with a straight face. Shruti turned towards her father and the look on his face said it all!

Shruti was determined to have fun!

“Do you call your husband by his name?” Shruti’s father wanted to know. Suraj was about to reply but Shruti gestured him to keep quiet.

“Appa, I am following your advice and adapting to my in-laws tradition. Suraj likes to be called by his name and I, as a good wife would, am fulfilling my husband’s wishes,” it was Shruti’s turn to keep a straight face and Suraj excused himself to the other room before bursting out in uncontrollable laughter!

During dinner time, Shruti’s father wanted the entire household to eat together. Suraj began protesting, but his father intervened and told Suraj that his father-in-law was right about maintaining a family dinner time.

“At least one meal should bring the entire family to the same table!!” he concluded.

“Appa, did I hear you say something?” Suraj was astonished!

“Yes,” said Shruti’s father-in-law who seldom spoke. He never opined and simply followed instructions from the safe bounds of the shell that he had confined himself into, after his wife’s death.

Suraj was happy to hear his father opening to the world outside. He obeyed his father-in-law’s wish and ate with the rest of the family.

Shruti’s father chatted with her husband on varied topics and they found out that they had a lot of common interests.

Meanwhile Shruti had a bitter argument with her mother on a certain recipe that Shruti had learnt from Suraj’s grandmother. The name of the dish was 'Poricha kuzhambu'. The preparation style varied greatly between the two families and Shruti told her mother that the manner in which it was prepared by Suraj's grandmother tasted better!

A difference in recipe was where the first argument began...

All hell broke loose! The first argument between a mother and a married daughter begins thus!