The sun woke up before anybody on
the newly formed earth!
Though this was the norm nobody
knew it. They were new to earth and it was their day one there. They looked at
each other like freshmen in college, the only difference being there were no
seniors.
How were they going to talk to
each other and what happened to the old inhabitants of the green planet?
Well, it seemed like any other
normal day. The inhabitants of old earth began the business of life normally,
until a huge wave swept away every material, every life!
Slowly, very slowly, life has
begun again after that fateful day!
Mounds of earth began emerging
out of water forming small islands. The remnants of what was washed away that
day slowly floated towards the newly formed island, including a few walking
souls that could not be called as humans.
The neo-humans began conversing
with each other. They did not know if the language they spoke existed before
the mega wash-day!
All that they knew was they
somehow happened to inhabit the island. How the island came there and how they
were created was beyond their imagination, at least for the time being!
Gradually, they prided themselves
as the latest life form and exchanged the pre-stored information that they each
had. They began to know a lot about the existence of earth and its subsequent
annihilation. They shared all that they knew and as they collected and pooled
information, they prided in their ability and called it their collective
intelligence quotient.
“This is our beginning, from
where the humans exited earth!” one of the neo-humans said.
“Right and we can call ourselves
the ‘newmans’,” said the other.
“What exactly do you mean by ‘where the humans exited’?” queried a
third one.
“Well, the earth, before it found
us, was home to the super intelligent and super emotive human beings.
When a child was born they would
measure the decibel quotient from the manner and the intensity of its cry. They
used this measure in a complicated formula which would then tell them all about
the child’s future.
They had many such quotients that
were used in various formulae that revealed intricate details about a person.
This technique was known as the ‘Quotient Prediction’ and was very popular.
They had a test that would
precisely measure a human beings intelligence level and this was called the
‘IQ’ or the intelligence quotient.
This quotient, by far, was the
most popular one till about a certain time frame. Slowly, many quotients
emerged as human beings became smarter. At some point they understood that not
all human beings were the same and hence introduced what was known as the ‘EQ’
or the ‘Emotion Quotient.’ Some human beings were emotionally stronger than
their counter parts and their EQ was greater,’ concluded the newman.
“Pretty interesting, I would say.
What else is known about the Quotient Prediction and why did they call it
prediction instead of, say, theorem or corollary?” quizzed another spectator.
“I presume that they had no
concrete proof or experiment that could prove their calculations
scientifically,” said the newman.
“What were the other quotients
that they had proposed?” asked another ‘gentlenewman’,
in a rather soft voice.
“Depending on the number of
friends they had, on what they used to call the ‘facebook’, they introduced a ‘social
quotient’ which was a measure of their ability to make friends.
Then they had the ‘communication quotient’ which was their
ability to talk over the mobile phone. The ‘nimble
finger quotient’ was a rough estimate based on the number of words that
they could type in what was known as an SMS.
Another quotient that was
introduced was the ‘beauty quotient’
which followed the beauty pageants. The introduction of this quotient caused
unpredictable effects,” concluded the newman who seemed to have the most
interesting pre-programmed information.
“What sort of unpredictable
effects were these?” queried an onlooker.
“By far the most complicated
quotient to define, the beauty quotient had varied parameters and could not be
precisely defined. Then they decided to have certain parameters like a high
cheek bone and a definite height and weight ratio, etc. This made things easier
for a few and impossible for the rest. In order to get their beauty quotient to
a desired level, some humans were willing to undergo medical surgeries. The
smarter ones, though opted to ‘photoshop’
and publish their images online. Suddenly the cyber space was crying for
room, as it was filled with photos. While some humans tweaked the images, some
others tweaked the natural body to get desired results.
There emerged a sub-quotient to
the beauty quotient known as the ‘I click
myself quotient’, though in the end both these quotients had to be dropped!
A very unique quotient was the ‘pushing child quotient’,” informed the
newman who did most of the talking.
“Why did they need a quotient for
this? Was it not common knowledge that every baby was born when the mother
pushed?” asked a newman who was not pre-programmed with the quotient knowledge.
“Oh my friend, I thought so too.
But believe me, babies were not born that way. Babies were removed from a
mother’s womb by a doctor and they called it the C-Section. I do not know what it
means as I have not been pre-programmed with that knowledge,” the newman said.
“Never mind pal, you go on. I
shall update all of you on C-Section once you are through,” another newman
informed his listeners.
“Thanks, mate. The pushing child quotient was a measure of
how many classes a child was enrolled into apart from their regular school.
This, somehow seemed to be the measure of success of parenthood, in fact
motherhood to be more specific,” the newman concluded.
A wise newman who hitherto
remained silent was heard quipping, “Looks like quotients are their only
remainders!”
